If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
