I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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