I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
BRING THE BAGELS
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
