Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
