So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
