If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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