you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
