is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I look better un-naked...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
