Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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