I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize