I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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