He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
