Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm both gender and math confused
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
