you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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