I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
