I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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