there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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