Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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