ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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