rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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