All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
