He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
