no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My dick has a subreddit
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
