forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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