Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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