tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
