he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
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They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
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Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?