the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!