i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.