You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
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Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial