Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.