Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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