or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
