im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
