I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
