there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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