I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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