that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
are you so shy because you have an std?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
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I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
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