i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
