I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
