I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have so many feelings about this burrito
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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