my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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