You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
