Can Purell be used as lube?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
