And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
