Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
