so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
