just tell him i said nine months
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
not ubering you a puppy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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