the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
there is glitter all over my balls
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
