I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
