I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab