thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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