You smell like stripper and shame
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"