You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
