Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

Did you fuck her?

(212): View more from New York

If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.

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(703): Did you fuck her? (212): If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that. http://tfl.nu/y42g

Replies (3) Good night (950) Bad night (3030)
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(256): View more from Alabama

The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.

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(256): The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing. http://tfl.nu/qyj9

Replies (23) Good night (1249) Bad night (4628)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.

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(715): i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign. http://tfl.nu/r2le

Replies (15) Good night (5170) Bad night (922)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?

(720): View more from Colorado

This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?

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(605): So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win? (720): This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok? http://tfl.nu/drjm

Replies (98) Good night (2709) Bad night (5799)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.

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(781): So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger. (603): Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat. http://tfl.nu/6067

Replies (19) Good night (6702) Bad night (1121)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?

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(603): Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right? http://tfl.nu/7voc

Replies (31) Good night (3828) Bad night (1123)
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(314): View more from Missouri

shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.

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(314): shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that. http://tfl.nu/a94h

Replies (16) Good night (1690) Bad night (3977)
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(360): View more from Washington

I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too

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(360): I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too http://tfl.nu/ui5h

Replies (6) Good night (3274) Bad night (1157)
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(760): View more from California

I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.

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(760): I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant. http://tfl.nu/boqw

Replies (11) Good night (4109) Bad night (804)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.

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(580): That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously. http://tfl.nu/nlfm

Replies (4) Good night (1125) Bad night (567)
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(917): View more from New York City

She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.

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(917): She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl. http://tfl.nu/btqg

Replies (1) Good night (1307) Bad night (746)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed

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(402): If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed http://tfl.nu/sm0v

Replies (2) Good night (750) Bad night (328)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.

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(540): Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot. http://tfl.nu/omko

Replies (8) Good night (1731) Bad night (367)
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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?

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(603): I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night? http://tfl.nu/pz1o

Replies (3) Good night (305) Bad night (634)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.

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(612): All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys. http://tfl.nu/oflp

Replies (5) Good night (291) Bad night (486)

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