Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low

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(815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low http://tfl.nu/wg0q

Replies (24) Good night (802) Bad night (4260)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?

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(860): I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life? http://tfl.nu/etyc

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Why are handjobs necessary in class?

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(651): Why are handjobs necessary in class? http://tfl.nu/p9nw

Replies (28) Good night (2408) Bad night (685)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.

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(724): Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways. http://tfl.nu/hzks

Replies (25) Good night (5154) Bad night (1642)
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(863): View more from Florida

I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good

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(863): I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good http://tfl.nu/hwo6

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(438): View more from Quebec

My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.

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(438): My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much. http://tfl.nu/ekca

Replies (8) Good night (3341) Bad night (822)
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(805): View more from California

I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.

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(805): I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly. http://tfl.nu/8ih5

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(308): View more from Nebraska

I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.

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(308): I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll. http://tfl.nu/yzo7

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(407): View more from Florida

I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.

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(407): I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'. http://tfl.nu/3npe

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(318): View more from Louisiana

Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"

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(318): Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch" http://tfl.nu/gqk6

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(912): View more from Georgia

If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.

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(912): If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight. http://tfl.nu/iyrl

Replies (2) Good night (802) Bad night (414)
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(928): View more from Arizona

Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.

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(928): Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week. http://tfl.nu/3dmv

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(631): View more from New York

Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.

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(631): Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life. http://tfl.nu/mm7p

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.

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(856): Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina. http://tfl.nu/1cex

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest

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(402): Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest http://tfl.nu/bslf

Replies (0) Good night (422) Bad night (248)

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