I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.