We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.