You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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