i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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