I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
