I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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