So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
