remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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