i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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