One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
