can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
