Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
