Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize