Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
