What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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