I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
