I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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