I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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