So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
