Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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