I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
