how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
