So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
