Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just found puke in my bra..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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