oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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