Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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