I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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